Off the wall ClaretandHugh blogger Pete Ellis looks at the Irons week that was

Masuaku and the Bilic sweats

The curse of the West Ham United defender struck again this week.

Arthur Masuaku is out for six weeks, meaning an already nervous Bilic  is now sweating more than a 15 year old boy that’s just caught his mum looking at his Google search history.

West Ham’s back line is either out of action or out of form. It’s an unreal situation to find ourselves in. I half expect the ball boys to be stretchered off on Sunday, although plenty will be hoping our match day stewards get struck down with the Stratford curse instead.

There was little news about the civil war in the stands versus Accrington. the sitters and standers all sat down. I say sat down, but I think the induced coma that the team helped create may have played a part. at least it wasn’t 120 mins. Thanks Dimitri.

Parkes storm and the egg cups!

There was a documentary about Mr Sullivan this week on Channel 5.  I spent 45 minutes in front of the TV before I realised I was actually watching Lord of the Rings. It was only the sight of a malnourished Gollum that had me questioning why Sully would have Daniel Levy in his documentary.

Then I twigged. Phil Parkes has given an exclusive interview too this site (must read btw), and it’s clear that there was a bit of a “miscommunication” between some of the ex players and the club. They seemingly forgot to send then a letter explaining the situation and thanking then for their work.

I would suggest the club get the bloke that runs the marketing dept to send the correspondence, as his team never fail to let me know when the latest egg cup, or scarf is now on sale.

Oxford and Browne enter the Twitter playground

Of the two performances we have witnessed this week, it’s pretty clear that there is still a lot of work to be done. Mr Browne and Mr Oxford seemed to voice their frustration at not getting a chance versus Accrington on everyone’s favourite playground, Twitter.

There were some that suggested they wind their neck in, and others that seemed to be so far up the young lads posterior, they’ve seen less daylight than a Chilean miner!

I think the decisions and conduct of Reece Burke and Martin Samuelson are clearly paying dividends for them, so I wonder if that route of proving yourself competitively may be better than cryptic emojis on twitter?

Chelsea and the perfumed veggies

Anyway, with Chelsea due to visit in the League Cup, you can almost guarantee that West Ham will out West Ham ourselves and probably pull off a 6-0 win, then lose to a lower league team in the next round.

Yep the boys from West London will be on the train into Stratford, and E15 will be rife with the stench of beard conditioner and veggie smoothies. Just make sure that on the way home, they let everyone on the train.

Anyway, time to go, but before I do, let’s just be grateful that we have Southampton this Sunday, who are clearly going to struggle with that bloke that doesn’t have kneecaps playing games up front! Still, I suppose a little egg on the face is better than spit, isn’t that right Rod Jane and Freddie?

COYI !