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The alternative CandH Hammers awards

Sakho…cry baby of the year!

Hughie and Mike Manera of ‘Mike on Monday’ fame with the categories that really count as the gongs season comes around

Ok, it’s that time of the year again when the achievement awaeds are handed out although there’s probably only two players who are genuinely in the picture for the club’s official awards.

Marko Arnautovic is seemingly alone in the Hammer of the Year stakes whilst Declan Rise will have to win something even if they make a special category for him.

So may we welcome to our alternative awards which may be a lot more relevant given the season we’ve had and PLEASE our tongues are very much in our cheeks.

Michaelangelo Award for Art: Arnie’s tattoos are something to behold and have grown daily it seems from four to possibly 4,000 since his arrival from Stoke .

The Best Impression award: Arthur Masuaku’s Spit the Dog routine was something to behold

Wind up of the season award: Arnie’s double p..s take at Mark Hughes as manager of Stoke and then Saints was a superb achievement

Flop of the Year: Plenty of runners here with the likes of the departed Andre Ayew, Jose Fonte and Sam Byram but there can only be one winner of this  award so please step forward Mr Joe Hart – perhaps the biggest no hoper at £110k a week since Avram Grant!

Crock of the Year: Andy Carroll, Winston Reid and Byram lead the way with Michail Antonio and Pedro Obiang right in there. AC has managed 15 this season – several as sub whilst Byram, second fiddle to Zab anyway managed 10, and Reid 19. Sadly for him and us Carroll clung on to the gong seemingly with a season ticket to the treatment room season on season!

Cry baby of the Year:  Only one candidate and runaway winner in the thoroughly awful Diafra Sakho who showed more personality problems than anyone could possibly cope with. His disloyalty to a football club was possibly the worst any of us can ever remember and certainly more than equal to that of Dimi Payet.

Talker of the Year: Barely a week has gone by without skipper Mark Noble giving his views on everything Hammers via the official website. His letter to the fans – probably initiated by the media office mind you – was as sad as it got at a time when unhappy fans were preparing AGAIN to give it large for the boys anyway.

Part timer of the year: Vice chairman, ‘The Apprentice,’ House of Lords , New TV show ‘Give it a Year’, Scum columnist … Karren Brady jack of all trades!

Worst signing:  Joe Hart…a double award winner. Now for Russia and the World Cup. Dear God!

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About Hugh5outhon1895

Hugh Southon is a lifelong Iron and the founding editor of ClaretandHugh. He is a national newspaper journalist of many years experience and was Bobby Moore's 'ghost' writer during the great man's lifetime. He describes ClaretandHugh as "the Hammers daily newspaper!" Follow on Twitter @hughsouthon

3 comments on “The alternative CandH Hammers awards

  1. biggest shock of the year was signing evra. Still recovering.

  2. biggest shock last week against chelsea joe hart is man of the match with several world class saves, wins us a vital point. not a word from some. this week one mistake, ripped to shreds. last week andy carroll ripped to shreds. this week andy carroll wins us a vital point, not a word from some.

  3. So Hart finally had a good game for us. One bloody game and you expect us to lavish praise on him? Didn’t take long for him to revert to his usual haphazard style. Andy finally has a game( good or bad) and does what we’ve been paying him 80k a week not to do for the majority of 5 years and you expect us to lavish praise on him? When they do it week in week out they’ll get the praise they earn. Much the same as the rest of the squad.

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