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Valencia to own Lime Street and Irons carrier bags arrive at Big Sam’s England training headquarters

pete 2

ClaretandHugh blogger Pete Ellis takes a quirky sideways look at the Irons week that was!

TEARS OVER VALENICA!

Valencia has moved to Everton on deadline day, causing many a fan to shed a tear (on merseyside).

The deal will become permanent if Enner bags five goals this season, I suspect West Ham have already booked his return ticket from Lime Street……

The deal almost fell through though, as when Valencia tried to sign the contract, he put it high wide and handsome five times before hitting the target. (At least he’s consistent).

I’ve no axe to grind with him, as he seemed to be professional and worked hard, although my washing machine works hard too, but I don’t want that up top for West Ham.

BYRAM GETS TOP HELPER

A 33 year old free agent with more medals than a British Olympic cyclist has joined. I mention the 33 years bit as that has upset some.

I say again, we have signed Arbeloa, not Tim Breaker. His experience will be invaluable to Byram

IRONS CARRIER BAGS AT ENGLAND HQ

Normal service resumed at City so far as West Ham results go. Outclassed and then a brief fightback, but ultimately another write-off for the hammers. With Antonio giving us the only moment to cheer, the international break can’t come soon enough.

That leads us nicely into the aforementioned Antonio’s England call up. Few months overdue but what a great ambassador for West Ham.

“He was kind enough to turn up to training with West Ham carrier bags no doubt containing half eaten packets of juicy fruit gum and pork scratchings from Big Sam’s old office at Chadwell Heath.

He seemed genuinely excited and honoured to be there and I can’t praise the guy enough for his attitude since he joined the club. humble and hungry is a great description.

THE PROBLEM OF A TIWFC TOP 

Great news that non West Ham jerseys won’t be allowed into the West Ham home end at Stratford.

A word of caution though, knowing the calibre of matchday stewarding, if you wear the TIWFC third shirt, you’ll probably blow their minds and they’ll turn you away.

That’s the problem with generic events staff that are more acclimatised to directing sobbing 15 year old Justin Bieber fans to the toilet, instead of being able to deal with Dagenham Dave who dares to drink his pint three inches outside the designated bar area.

But hey ho, at least the popcorn is nice and hot ….

About Hugh5outhon1895

Hugh Southon is a lifelong Iron and the founding editor of ClaretandHugh. He is a national newspaper journalist of many years experience and was Bobby Moore's 'ghost' writer during the great man's lifetime. He describes ClaretandHugh as "the Hammers daily newspaper!" Follow on Twitter @hughsouthon
 

4 comments on “Valencia to own Lime Street and Irons carrier bags arrive at Big Sam’s England training headquarters

  1. Lol Pete, as for Arbeloa he is more akin to Ryan Giggs, in terms of fitness I mean, not bagging his brothers wife among others, so depending on how it goes for both parties he may well stick around longer than a year imho. As for seeing your washing machine up front, I would say it would get through more of a load than our bambi so don’t consign it to the knackers yard to soon we might need it to take a spin out up top before the seasons out 😉

  2. You crease me up every time, Pete…SO funny, yet also spot on…keep ’em coming….
    Some might think they are funny, you genuinely are! Love it!

    • Hahaha! Finally getting to you is it cod face ! Every time you turn up the putrid stench of rotten omega 3 aftershave follows ! I mean you are so well liked that even cousin Doric didn’t want to be found ! I personally love it when you turn up. So keep the snide remarks and innuendo coming ! We thank you for the amusement you generate but you’re definitely not allowed in ! You need to go elsewhere. to have your fins manicured and you’re nappy descaled ?
      Mash potata codpiece ! 😉

  3. The fact is tha Arbeloa is 33 and had been released by Real Madrid before being picked up by West Ham. 33 is the age at which players spend most of their time on the Treatment Table, but if he can do a job as cover for Byram all well and good, but it’s not really a positive move by the Club.

    Personally I’d have liked them to go for the young lad from Wolves.

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